For richer or for richer

My neighbor's son and his wife moved in with him last year. It was already a small house and now had to fit an extra couple and two teenage boys.
One of the most beautiful things I've seen all summer was one day when this couple started washing their truck in the driveway. They had country music blaring from the truck, and they were dancing to the music - he in his work clothes and she in a walmart employee outfit. There was nothing beautiful about this scene or their story, except that love was spilling through every aspect and transforming the whole picture.

I'm getting married in a week, so I have spent considerable time this summer thinking about love & co. What does it really mean? Obviously romantic infatuation doesn't guarantee 50 years of marriage, or divorce rates wouldn't be so high. I'm guessing most divorcee's didn't go in thinking it was gonna be a short term arrangement. Although, this may be changing, as people are trading in "til death do us part" for "as long as our love endures". For real. In my "vow research" (who KNEW how much research went into wedding planning? Good thing pinterest and I get along), I even found that some couples are trading in "for richer or for poorer" and using "for richer or for richer". Now that is what I call a conditional marriage, and I would run from the altar!

So people get married, fall out of love, get divorced, the cycle repeats itself. What is this elusive long-term unconditional love that Hollywood promised? I distinctly recall spending three hours with a group of friends at age 14 trying to define love, and then deciding there really was no comprehensive, accurate definition. (Yes I was a nerd even then :)

I can't put love into words, but I know when I see it.
I saw it in my neighbors' faces when they were dancing in the gravel driveway. I see it in the old man who opens the door for his wife for the ten millionth time. I see it in Austin's face and how he treats me, and that's why I'm going to put on that white dress, say those vows I have so carefully written, and take the biggest heart risk I have ever taken in my life.

Because if I wait until I have fully defined love,
 it may be too late for me to learn how to live it.

Confessions of a Bridezilla

Welcome to the wonderful world of weddings. This is so much more enjoyable than I ever imagined, but has the potential to become as stressful as everyone warned. I took a Bridezilla quiz yesterday. To date I have never thrown a fit in a flower shop or fired a member of the wedding party (groom included). In fact the quiz labeled me a "handler", but I decided my time was better spent not reading the detailed description of my wedding planning style.

Obvious immature breakdowns aside, what I am seeing is that every bride has the potential to become her own version of Bridezilla.

Why? It's all about me. No really, you're the bride, it is all about you. That's what every venue, vendor, and wedding planner will tell you. "It's whatever the bride wants!" "There are only two people at the wedding who matter, the bride and her mother!"
Am I saying this is wrong? Course not. It's normal. It is your day to plan exactly as you want. What I'm saying is that this can be dangerous. When every decision comes down to what you want, all the wedding fluff aside, it's really just selfish. Yes, I have to decide what wedding favors to put on the table, but am I letting this whole mindset (of figuring out exactly what I want and finding a way to make it happen) take over my emotions? Seems like it's a fine line.

My guess is that the timelines and details and cost and accompanying stress are enough to push the internal Bridezilla over the edge. Those things are more obvious though (my fiance does a good job of pulling me back from the world of stress to the world of reality).
What worries me more is the internal mindset affecting other decisions/emotions/rationalizations.
I am the bride. Blah blah blah. Subtle but I think powerful.

Hiatus

Usually you have to do something for a long time before getting a sabbatical, but I took one from my blog after just a few months. What can I say. Tax season ate my life, changed my habits and priorities, and blogging lost out. The convenient tax season excuses are gone now, so I have to come up with something else.

What happened in the past six months? Oh, you know, nothing extraordinary.

• My best friend asked me to marry him (I said yes.)
• Graduated (for the most part) with my undergrad degree, and was awarded oustanding baccalaureate degree in accounting. (I might have a bacc but I still can't spell it.) Worth noting that I made it to Commencement with the 4.0 GPA intact. Major collegiate goal accomplished (pending 2 summer classes to complete my 150 credit hours).

Consider this blog: updated. :)

Rolling with the punches

It has been one of those weeks. One of those years, maybe. ;) Sometimes I like to think I'm emotionally stronger than average, and then I have a week like this and in my best moments I'm crying like a 15 year old. Not that it's been all bad... and for future reference I think it's worthwhile to note some of the ups and downs of this week.

1. Downs. Because you always want the bad news first.
After six years of lucky driving, I got in my first accident. To be specific, I hit another car. Even worse, it was a parked car. They shouldn't be allowed to park along the street in the first place! But I didn't think that line would go very far with the police.

Who I did call, by the way, because I try to be a good person, even at 7 in the morning when it's dark outside and hit and run sounds very attractive.

And quite justly, my car suffered much greater damages than the scratches I gave the other car.

>>>This isn't my car, it just looks more dramatic, and does a better job of conveying the message that accidents are bad.

But really, six years of close calls, and this time I wasn't even texting!

Disclaimer: naturally I have not texted while driving since it became illegal to do so. In case you were going to turn me in or something.

So now there is a dent in the car and a dent in my pride.

2. Big deal, everybody gets in a wreck at some point. So what good thing happened that made this week rather exciting?
What about having dinner with the president of your university (when the student body is around 100,000)? That would be pretty neat. And then what about him praising you as an example in his speech to 60ish new full ride scholars to the university? And what about him using multiple quotes in his speech from a paper you wrote about a study abroad trip in Spain? And then praising your whole family for their hard work and various accomplishments, including giving recognition to your mom for her successful job homeschooling?!

The whole experience was pretty much surreal. In a "why am I getting this recognition" kind of surrealness. But definitely an experience to jot down in my mental notebook and save for later :)

This picture is from the same dinner, four years earlier, when I was an incoming scholar (I'm in the first row, fifth from right). I never thought that four years later I would be sitting at Pres. McRobbie's table! Naive freshman to clueless senior.
Four years later the main thing I've learned from college is how much I don't know. 

What a week. Some things to remember forever in the part of my mind called - when hard work is rewarded. Some to forget asap and move on.

I can truly say that the only thing that got me up every morning this week was one truth - "Your mercies are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Bring what comes, good or bad, I am hanging on to those words - to get me through every conversation, every fear, even to get me out of bed every day of the week.

Well, I can't lie. Saturday morning I mainly got up because I knew there was a blueberry cake donut waiting for me at work. But you get my drift.

Diary of a Car Shopper

Job? check.

College degree? well almost check.

New car? um... you would think that would be the easiest of the three. But let's count. It took me three years at this firm (+ the necessary education) to get into the job I wanted, college graduation will come after 4.3 years of work, and the car search started halfheartedly this fall. To be continued...

I thought I had made progress this week. I found a car I liked - make, year, color, mileage, price, features (I was mainly glad about keyless entry because I'm just too lazy to turn a key) - and I thought, maybe buying a car is not so bad after all.

So I'm acting all grown up and emailing back and forth with the salesman about price specifics and when to do a test drive and all that. 

Naturally I bring it up at work, and one of the partners - basically a car guru who has been quite helpful - takes a look. He's approving all the features when - 

"Sarah, you can't drive a manual transmission!" 

(I don't know how he ever guessed this. 

But it was a pretty safe assumption.)

I'm back to square one, maybe I'll spend another semester or two here before stumbling across  another 5 speed car.

That would have been a short test drive.

New Year (same resolutions)

It's that time of year, a time for optimists to get gym memberships, pessimists to burn old lists of resolutions, and realists to run to the store while everyone else is busy and buy discounted Christmas chocolate.

So what's on your list? I'm one of those sentimental people who write resolutions every year, but also one of those repeat failures who might as well reuse the same list every year because not much ever changes. Yeah, except for about half of these, this pic pretty much applies to me.

This is not usually a time to feel good about what you have accomplished since last January. In fact most people I talk to can be pretty down about the whole resolution deal. It's no fun that we have this whole tradition in place to remind you of what you didn't get done every year.


 But guess what. That's not what really matters. Here's what we should be doing:

forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

How about that for a new year's resolution?!

What about less of myself, and more of Him?
Less complaining, and more rejoicing?
Less worrying, and more trusting?

Ok so those are going to be way harder than my lousy "exercise weekly" resolutions. But way more worthwhile. What about fighting for His goals this year?